Working at an Assisted-Living facility, you interact with individuals who suffer from memory and vision loss, Alzheimer's and Dementia. But I notice that the one quality they all have in common is their loyalty. Loyalty to family, to friends but mainly their spouses. They have lived to see many generations, come and go but one thing for certain is that their value of the phrase "Until death do us part," remains their motto for throughout their life journey. I recall a recent conversation I had with one of the residents, as she reminisced about her husband who had passed several years ago. She is relatively in her late 70's with a daughter and two sons. And as she went on to talk about her marriage, she told me that she wished her sons' had marriages similar to hers. She said that her two sons were divorced and they couldn't hang to their marriages. After hearing that, my mind began to wonder, why is it that there were fewer divorces back in the day then there is today? So I figured since she has seen, heard and experienced one of many successful marriages, I'd asked her how was she able to overcome failures and attacks toward her marriage, up until the very point where death parted her from her husband.
She said that "there are things that men and woman "used" to do in relationships that are vital but are ignored today." As she went on to explain the points below, I began to mentally check off those recommendations that I've been mindful of in my relationship.
1.) Men opened the door for their woman
One thing that I noticed is that this generation has a huge PRIDE issue. I wouldn't even call it an issue, I'd go as far as calling it a crisis. With the age of feminism and everyone wanting to be independent, men have fallen into the belief that woman can and are doing everything for themselves, so they need don't need to bother with it. Women are to blame as well for the over-barring quality of "I don’t need a man to do this for me." I came to the conclusion that some men are getting lazier and some women don't require as much anymore…..truth be told. Men don't have to do as much to get or keep a woman either. Nowadays, it's all about "the bag" and what they can offer financially or materialistically. Stop trying to bury chivalry. It's still alive and well for some but dead to others. Men start with the simple things like opening the doors for your lady and then the bigger things don't need to occur as often. And Ladies, let him open the door for you, you deserve it. KEEP CHIVALRY ALIVE...
2.) Couples used to write letters to each other
Which do you think it has a greater impact, a long text message or a handwritten letter?
I'd honestly compare them to apples and oranges, it really depends on what you like better.
A long text message is like having flowers delivered to you. Versus a handwritten letter is flowers that are personally hand delivered to someone. Another analogy would be that a long text message is giving someone tissues versus a letter which wipes someone's tears away. Long story short, a handwritten letter is a lot more personal. Time is precious and with the fast moving lifestyles we tend to be accustomed to, we forget about the little things. It is more sentimental to sit and share your thoughts with someone special than sending a quick "I love you" text.
You'll thank me later.
3.) We walk away when the fire gets too hot
Nowadays, if you are upset with your partner for something their actions or response, if you are on the phone, you can just hang up on them or just go MIA. But back then, you didn’t hear much of that kind of behavior. If you had a problem with your partner, you fight, you argue it out, or turn to make up sex once everything is said and done.
One of societies' flaws' today is to leave when things get tough, especially when it comes to a relationship. No one wants to talk anymore. No one wants to use their words to express themselves so they rather mask it and tuck it under the carpet. Remember, one day the carpet will be too bumpy to walk on and you'll have to start facing those situations. So why not handle them right then and there.
4.) The Cliché Line - Love is hard to find
As sex becomes more accessible, love has been harder to find. Having a sexual relationship with someone is like going to the corner store for a bag of chips. Some of us have become so addicted to sex that getting to know someone is no longer an interest. "No Strings Attached," right? Sex was intended for married couples. Yeah, I said it. And sex is beautiful. But you know what makes it even more amazing? A relationship without the extras. Growing with a person on a different level. Understanding their strengths and weaknesses. Loving the good, the bad and the ugly. Eventually, you may lead to marriage and THAT RIGHT THERE produces way better sex than just "smashing" and then they leave. It makes a profound relationship and future. Don’t fall into the traps that society has built for you.
5.) We hold back
Many of us are afraid to give our all to someone. Sometimes it is because of a breakup or a bad experience. Sometimes it's also growing up in a divorced household or maybe a household where the parents live under the same roof but love no longer exists. All of these components hold us back from putting forth the best we have to offer to our partners/spouses. Our own insecurities get in our way. But you'll never know what beauty lies underneath the rock until you look for yourself. Don’t let the past ruin what the future has in store for you. Set your focus on the direction that you want to go. If you are too busy looking in the past and other peoples failures, you'll simply miss everything. How do expect to find the right person, if you are still trying to recover from something that happens 5 years ago? I mean don’t get me wrong everyone heals differently but a lot of amazing experiences could have happened in those past 5 years. I believe that God is the head of our lives. He has given us the free will to chose what is right and wrong. So with that being said, you are in control of your next step. Are you going to waste another day or are you going to start your engine, focus on today and create the happiness you always imagined?
There are tons of other considerations to keep in mind but we'd be here forever.
Stay tuned and we might present a few more in the near future.